I’ve always had a maternal instinct, I innately nurture and care for the people I hold close. My nickname to so many is ‘Mama Rachel’ because I filled the role naturally, but something was missing until I had my own child.
When I was 39 years old, pretty much every conversation I had was about how I was having a baby the following year. It was a fact! It was my dream! Always in tune to the higher powers, I prayed and meditated daily on having a baby. And when I turned 40 years old, my dream was manifested into reality.
Becoming a mother has been the most spectacular and challenging education. I fully believe that this precious boy chose me to guide him thru this lifetime. I spent 40 years looking for a man to love, and that man chose me!
Let’s face it - New York City is a really expensive place to live and raise a family. I’ve owned my boutique event production and consulting company, Agent of Change Events, for eight years. Since its inception, my goal was to make a difference in the world through the events I produced and projects I dived into. However after having a baby, I could no longer just focus on making a difference, I needed to make substantial money too. I never had a partner or funding, I just went to work. Being raised by a working mom, it was the only way I knew how. When I had my son, I struggled with my identity for a bit. I was no longer Rachel- the business owner. I was Rachel - the mom AND business owner. I was forced to figure out how to keep my business flowing and accomplish both at the same time. As an “indiemom” (I like that term instead of “single mom”) that is the mission.
It is extremely gratifying to know that the fundraisers and galas we have produced raised over 70 million dollars. Our clients are incredible organizations in the wellness, women’s rights, education, veteran advocacy, and social justice arenas and create programming that makes a positive impact in our communities everyday. In total, we have produced over 112 events. I am so proud of the work my team and I have accomplished and the change that we made on the planet.
As for caring for my son, from 0-2 years old, I tried the nanny lifestyle. I started working just 2 weeks after my cesarean because I had to. However, having a nanny didn’t feel right because my son always had a special, social energy and the thought of him spending each day with one person felt like I was holding him back.
When he turned 2, he began attending an incredible early education program from 8:30am-6:00pm each day. It absolutely broke my heart that I couldn’t spend more time with him but I had to make the best decision possible so that I could work and we could live comfortably.
I’ve created Mindful Mornings in our home; we wake up, brush our teeth, wash our face, and do a 10-15 minute yoga class guided by a brilliant book called ‘Meddy Teddy’ and then we repeat a sanskrit mantra that was given to my son from the saint Amma Sri Karunamayi as our meditation. Its words protect him, providing knowledge of speech, arts, creativity, and divine love, abundant and devoted energy. Then breakfast time and off to school.
When choosing his school, I made one rule with myself. It must be walking distance from my home and office. As a native New Yorker, during the immediate aftermath of 9/11, I remember how people weren’t able to get home for a couple of days if they had to cross a bridge or tunnel. I recognize that deep fear but it is ingrained in my brain that I have to be close to him so that I can get to him in case of emergency.
After a long day at work, dinner is served, bath time is done, and it is time for bed. My favorite place to be is curled up next to him reading three books of his choice and watching his beautiful eyes close.
I’d like to share a little story that makes me think I am a good “indie-mom.” A few weeks ago, my son came with me to pick up dry cleaning around the corner. The skies were dark grey and the wind was picking up. It was about to downpour outside but I was leaving for a trip the next day and needed those clothes to pack, so I rushed him out of the apartment to come with me. At the store, he found a quarter on the floor and his eyes were filled with excitement because he loves those quarter machines that you turn the knob and a small toy drops out. He quickly put it in his pocket. As we got back to our building and entered the lobby, my son stopped me and said “Mommy - do you know that man on our corner who wears a sheet?” I said “yes - you mean the homeless man?” He said “I want to give my quarter to him!” … My heart filled with such profound joy that we went back out under the stormy skies and found ‘Mr. Hester’ to give him a quarter. He was thankful! My son smiled so big, his heart was beaming with pride (so was mine)!
In the last 4 years,
I’ve learned not to compare myself to other moms because each family has its own background and story.
I’ve learned to observe my son as he becomes the learner that he is progressing to be, and watch his vocabulary, mannerisms and daily understanding prosper.
I’ve learned when traveling, make video messages and FaceTime as much as possible.
I’ve learned the power of a good nap, for him and me :)
I’ve learned that our Sundays should be renamed ‘Fun’days because that is our mommy-son adventure day where I take him away from the city-madness.
I’ve learned to not tell him what to do but act the way that I would hope he would. Actions do speak louder than words.
